Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
