I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
