apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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