how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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