Swine flu is the new snow day.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
