would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
not ubering you a puppy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
