i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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