I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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