I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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