That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
