He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
