I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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