i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We smell like vodka and hangover
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
