Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
