he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
should my penis look like a turkey
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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