I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
