I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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