Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
