we have officially lost it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
