It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
