I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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