ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
