Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
