We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
