i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
