Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
