well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
