Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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