Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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