I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
