how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
