We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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