Who did Billy Mays play for?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
