I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
