Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
