im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize