You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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