If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
