onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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