forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
