there's paper in my vomit.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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