so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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