so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
