if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
