yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
