We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
