Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
