just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
