i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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