what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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