He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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