Plan B is the new Plan A
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize