He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
