Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
