the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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