I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
