i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
