I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
