I could have mohawked her pubes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
