p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
