Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
