so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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