He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
