we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We got so high we made milksteak
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
