Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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