never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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