i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
