Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
third nipple confirmed
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
