I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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