I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
