You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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