I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
