upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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