i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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