I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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