He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
