dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
