SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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