I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
