dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
