got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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