Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
