my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
