ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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