I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
