Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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