Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
