I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
