I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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