I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
