Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
