Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Houston, we have a blender
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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