I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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